aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
