so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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