I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
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