Pants 0. Shit 1.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
