i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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