FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
