It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
