i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
