Can i not drive my cunt home
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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