in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
