It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
