i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i think i scared a bird with my dick
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
