marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
