i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
