so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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