Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
So here I am, sexting at work.
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