She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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