wakey wakey hands off snakey
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
The best revenge is premature balding
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
