Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
