hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
