too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
