I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
