I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
