TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
