Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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