This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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