i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you traded sex for a burrito?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
