Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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