cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
