Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
