The maid of honor just puked.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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