i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
