Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
