like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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