She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize