my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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