I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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