I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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