Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
