So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
