how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
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