You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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