I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
