Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
