I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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