Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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