I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
