I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
