Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
