So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
