Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
