You smell like a Billy Joel song
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Randomize
