She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
